Tag Archives: mental toughness

How Are You Doing?

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So, how are you right now, truthfully?

What has helped and why do you think that it has helped? What are you struggling with? 

 

 

2020april

What lies behind the smile?

Here’s where I’m at right now……

I’ll be honest, even before COVID-19 came along, I was struggling! Between this 3 year marathon house build, and not doing any riding, it has taken a toll on my psyche and my waistline. I’ve gained not quite 30 pounds back and it’s taken a LOT of effort to not get thoroughly discouraged in life in general. I’m exhausted! Folks complain about this show / rodeo season being cancelled, but mine has been cancelled for the last 3 years! It’s coming on 4 years since the last time I ran and that can get a horse girl down. 

Then when you add worrying about your health, your finances and then read all the conspiracy and end times stuff floating around out there right now, you really do feel like jumping off into the deep end, especially when you’re someone with a vivid imagination and writer brain that thinks WAY too much! By the way, the jury is still out on the conspiracy theories – I can’t help it, I’m researching. 

Honestly though, how do you get in a good place mentally in the middle of all this craziness, when you really can not do any of the things that bring you joy and that make you feel healthy inside and out? 

I think the answer to that is different for everyone, and you have to make an effort and a decision to feel better, be better. For me personally, in a nutshell it has come down to faith, and focusing on the future to get me through right now. 

Let’s talk about faith a little bit…This is one of those times where rubber has met the road in regards to faith. I’ve been through some very dark trying times that have made me question my faith and made me want to wash my hands of the church community. But you know what? I’ve always made it through – with God’s help. Always. He’s always had favor on me even during the times I most definitely didn’t deserve it. So why wouldn’t He do the same now? If He’s done it before, I have faith that He’ll do it again. Letting go and taking that mindset has given me some rest. It’s not my job to fix everything or save everyone, or even save myself. That’s God’s job so I’m letting Him do it. Besides, there’s not a lot I can do about it anyhow. 

We’re on the downhill side of the house and coming up on a deadline, which I’ll be honest I have worried over. Ask my boyfriend, he’ll tell ya I’ve had quite a few meltdowns over these last 3 years! (He’s been a trooper through it all really and has done such a great job.) Then I look back at where we’ve come from… 

And I get this big sense of pride and hope of what’s to come. I imagine what it’s going to be like when we finally get to move in. No more taking cold showers in 20 degree weather, riding out storms rocking back and forth, finding ice on top of the dog bowl in the kitchen, or making trips to town to do laundry at the toilet chained down laundromat! We’ll have a home that we can enjoy that will have room for what we need that will feel safe. I also remember how fortunate we are to have a place that’s ours to call home and put the horses. There’s a lot of folks that don’t have that so I’m thankful.

The last two years we have gotten record relentless rains. Having 4 horses and a donkey out on a bare lot without a barn has been a big source of stress. Between wading through knee deep mud daily to dump hay with a pair of rubber boots that have a hole, and battling multiple rounds of scratches in every single one of them, it’s been a real source of stress. It’s also been a proving ground and motivator for me. 

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If nothing else, I’ve proven to myself that I’m not a fair weather horse owner. I’ve hung in there even when I’m not getting anything tangible from owning them. It’s also made me learn and figure out things I wouldn’t have if they had been in a better environment. If they had nicer turn out and and barn, I would have kept doing what I had always done with Fireman especially, and Cool. I wouldn’t have figured out what they need nutritionally to be sound, and I wouldn’t have figured out what they needed in a trim either. I’ve learned that works in a barn doesn’t necessarily work in other environments. What works in certain parts of the year may not work in others as well. 

Because of these hard times, I’ve learned so much and I’ve wound up with horses that have healthier feet that will come back stronger than they ever would have before. I’ve also changed my philosophy on horse keeping and that will benefit when we finally have a barn. 

Progress on Cool
Progress on Cool
Progress on Cool
Progress on Cool

While I’ve gained some weight and gotten soft, the good thing is I know for a fact I can – and will – get back to where I was as a rider when we left off. My last few runs with Fireman were the absolute best they had ever been in my whole entire life – and I was 47 at the time. I know what I need to do and what it takes, which is strength and mindset. I also know that I’ll be hungry for it! That keeps me going as well. 

Motivation & Memories
Motivation!
Motivation!
Motivation & Memories

One thing about it, even after all this my heart still skips a beat when I watch the horses play and run. There’s just something about them that can’t be explained that has always had that effect on me. I just love horses, no matter what. My ass, well he makes me laugh! I make it point though to get some joy out of them daily and that helps as well. 

2020oscar

Oscar & Toad

If you’re struggling financially to keep your horses fed, Fleet Of Angels and the ASPCA both have mentioned that they have assistant programs for folks that need help right now. 

One of my previous blog posts from a few years ago also has some tips on how to cut your feed costs. Being on an extreme budget with building the house and dealing with hoof issues, here’s a couple of things I’ve learned since that post  – 

  • While they are more expensive, feed balancers are less expensive to feed in the long run. The better the balancer, the less you have to add. You can use a feed conversion tool to figure out how many mg of nutrients are in the feed.  
  • Beet pulp can definitely help cut your feed bill. That said, I have seen an increase in thrush in all of mine even when it’s dry. 
  • If you have hoof issues, Pete Ramey is a good resource to research to use a guide. He keeps cost in mind. 

So, what’s behind YOUR smile? What are you struggling with? What seems to help?   

You CAN and WILL get through this!! 

 

 

#MentalHealth Day Thoughts…

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#MentalHealth is trending today on Twitter and I thought it would be a good time to follow up on a post from a couple of years ago and share my thoughts and remind those that are struggling that they matter.

In the Finding Myself post, I went public with the fact that I had been dealing with some severe depression and was going through a divorce. It was a hard post to write, but at the same it was cleansing and I saw it as an opportunity to reach out and help someone else who might be struggling in silence as I had.

Since that time, there have been a lot of changes in my personal life and as time goes on each day brings a clearer perspective. Things start to make sense that didn’t before, and you gain more confidence in the choices you’ve made.

Was it worth it? I’m sure there are folks that would question why I would give up a long term marriage, the farm of my dreams and a whole herd of nice horses.

Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?

My response to that is isn’t life more than material things? Doesn’t trust, honesty and truthfulness, integrity, support and empathy mean more? To me it does, so yes it WAS worth it because in the end I gained those things that mean more, along with self-acceptance and love.

The whole time I was going through all that, the people that meant the most to me told me that I was making a mistake. In the low place I was at the time, it was absolutely devastating. Now, I see it for what it is.

People either pull you up or pull you down. Tony Robbins and any other well-known motivational expert will tell you we are the result of the three to five people we spend the most time with. For someone struggling to get healthy mentally and physically, relationships have a huge impact on whether we succeed or not.

Every day I wake up, I’m thankful I made the decision to change my life and I know I made the right choice. With everything that comes with starting over and just life in general, there are still days that aren’t easy but I make it through. The trust and honesty that I have surrounded myself with helps to make that possible, along with the actions I take to stay healthy. I live more intentionally than I did before.

If you’re struggling, you ARE important and you matter. Remember that – tell it to yourself every day if you have to! You’re important enough to make whatever changes you need to make to get healthy – whether it’s physically, mentally or both. Do what you have to do to get healthy because you and your life are worth it!

Not everyone will understand your actions or decisions. Pay attention to their reactions – it reveals a lot. Just because you’re struggling it doesn’t mean you don’t know what you’re doing, that you’re crazy or narcissistic, or whatever other tag people that truly don’t wish you well will put on you. Don’t let it stop you or make you question what you know you need to do. Remember they don’t have to live your life – you do!

Hang on to the fact that you matter. Hang on to the fact that you deserve to be healthy in every way. Hang on to the truth that nobody can live your life but you so make the most of it — and know what you CAN make it through to a healthier life.

We don’t go through the darkness to stay there. We go through the darkness so that others can see the light.

A Tough Cowgirl

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Earlier this year, I found out about female Saddle Bronc rider, Kaila Mussell.

Photo by Filene Mussell

Photo by Filene Mussell

The fact that she rides Saddle Bronc is pretty impressive in itself, but the fact that she’s come back from a broken neck is a clear witness to the strength that she has on the inside. She’s a phenomenal athlete and I think she’s someone who exhibits the strength and toughness we all aspire to.

Photo by Bernie Hudyma

Photo by Bernie Hudyma

What was it that made you decide you wanted to try riding broncs?

I started off in rodeo, barrel racing at 11, and steer riding at 12.  I did well at both events, however I got more of a rush out of riding steers and wanted to stay in the roughstock events.  When I became too old to ride steers, my initial inclination was to ride bulls, however my dad convinced me otherwise. I’m glad he did, as at that point I knew of some women who have ridden bareback broncs and bulls, but didn’t know any women who rode saddle bronc in the modern style of saddle bronc riding.  It turned into a more prestegious goal for me then, becoming the first woman to do so.  At that time,  my brother also wanted to ride broncs, so we both went to some bronc riding schools together to learn.

 

Photo by Christopher Morris

Photo by Christopher Morris

How did you feel the first time you rode an actual bronc out of the chute?

That was so long ago, and I’m pretty sure that I blacked out.  When I was first learning that happened a lot, and even when I rode I couldn’t remember what happened.   Eight seconds happens pretty quick, however over time and practice that short time (8 seconds) slows down, and when everything is happening right, it feels like all your movements are in slow motion.

Photo by Patti Ouimette

Photo by Patti Ouimette

When you decided to actually compete the first time, how did you feel?   What were some of your thoughts & fears and how did you overcome those?

I was pretty nervous the first time I completed. I did, however grow up breaking colts since I was 10, so I already had alot of exposure to riding horses that bucked, and I already had rodeo experience, although not in saddle bronc.  Most of my thoughts would have been related  to not wanting to being a “failure” and get bucked off, not wanting to look like a “girl” out there, or scared that I wouldn’t be accepted because I was a girl.  I really wanted to be accepted and to show others that I was just as capable as other bronc riders.  Nowadays my attitude on all of these feelings has been completely turned around, however at that point in time that is definitely what I thought.

You broke your neck last year. Tell us a little about that.

I broke my neck on April 5, 2014 at a BCRA rodeo in  Barriere, BC.  I got bucked off and landed on my head and kind of rolled onto the right side of my neck and shoulder.  I felt a shooting pain down the my right arm, and what felt like a crunch, but I chalked it up to a concussion, because other than being pretty sore, that’s what it felt like.  I drove home that night, which was a couple of hours away and didn’t go to the hospital.  The next day I was talking to my brother who is a doctor (GP), and he convinced me that I should go get it checked out because I was supposed to be flying to Hawaii the next day for a family vacation.  I went to the hospital more so to eliminate anything being wrong with me, because I didn’t want to chance having high medical bills in another country.  I happened to be picking up a friend at the airport that day and decided to stop in at VGH (Vancouver General Hospital) which is the only spinal unit in BC.  I’m happy that I did.  They took the injury very seriously and put me on a backboard and in a neck brace.  Multiple x-rays, CT and MRI later I was told that I broke my neck in 2 places on the right side of C6, and that I wouldn’t be going anywhere.  I wore a brace for a couple of weeks until they realized my neck wasn’t healing properly.  Immediately thereafter I went in for surgery and ended up getting a fusion between C5-C7, and two of my disks replaced by part of my right hip bone.

Photo by Filene Mussell

Photo by Filene Mussell

When did you decide to start riding again after that and why? Was riding the first time after your injury different from what it was like before?

While I was healing from a broken neck I was faced with all sorts of thoughts and decisions about what my future would be.  After weighing all the facts, talking to my surgeon and hearing everyone elses often unwanted “opinions” on what I should do with my life, I dug deep down and realized that my passion for bronc riding was still there.  At minimum I wanted to come back to riding if only to end on my own terms.  I waited a full year after my injury to completely heal to ride again.  My first ride back was on a “practice” bronc, a day prior to Williams Lake, BC Indoor Rodeo where I was to be competing for the first time after breaking my neck.  The bronc “Starbucks”, was a horse I was familiar with and I had ridden a few times in the past.  I managed to get her rode, but it wasn’t pretty and got off on the pickup man.  It definitely was a huge relief to get that one out of the way, as I came away without injury!  From there, the major fear was gone, and I was back to the swing of things.

How was it different?

The main difference with coming back riding after such a major injury, was that I appreciated the opportunity of being able to ride again.  I’ve noticed this year that I’ve had a lot more fun, not taken things as seriously as I have in the past, and enjoyed the whole journey of riding broncs in all aspects of the experience both outside and inside the arena.   I also managed to win the year-end season leader saddle for the BCRA (BC Rodeo Association) in the saddle bronc.  So overall, my comeback has been amazing!

How do you stay mentally tough?

I think pretty positive on a regular basis.  When I don’t, I remind myself why I’m doing this, focus and look at the bigger picture.  I read inspirational/self-help books, say positive affirmations to myself and post them around me.  As well, journaling has been a huge help in focusing on my goals, seeing where my mindset is, noticing things that may have helped in the past that can help me now, and/or seeing how far I have come and being able to acknowledge this.

What is that motivates you to keep going?

This is a really hard thing to describe what motivates me, as only a small amount of this can be put into words.  Motivation is more of a feeling, a passion that can’t be described.  I’m driven to do it, in part because I love the sport, the lifestyle, the challenge, the adrenaline and excitement of the sport.  To a large part these days I am motivated by seeing how much I inspire others to pursue their dreams by doing what I do.

Photo by Thomas Camus

Photo by Thomas Camus

What is your fitness routine to stay in shape to ride?

My fitness routine varies throughout the year depending on my work and rodeo schedule.  On a regular basis I strength train (primarily core training) 3 days a week  (30-40 mins), do cardio (primarily jogging) 3 days a week (4 miles), and yoga (1 hour) 1-2 days a week as well.  This may be alternated with other physical activities such as hiking, biking, MMA training or otherwise.

As for eating, I have had a lot of structured strict diets over the years.  I now find that its easier to eat well on a regular basis and stay active than to go to extremes.  I really don’t deny myself any foods, however less healthy alternatives I eat in moderation.  On a daily basis I do eat a high amount of protein, stick to whole, unprocessed foods,  and eat small amounts throughout the day rather than eating large meals.  Mind you, when you are on the road, it is sometimes hard to eat well or regularly.  I try to always pack lots of water and healthy snacks in case this happens.

Photo by Kat Nair

Photo by Kat Nair

Any words of wisdom for anyone that wants to ride broncs, or anyone that wants to rodeo in general?

Set clear goals of what you want.  Be willing to learn and put in the time and effort into what you do.  The skills for your chosen event in rodeo will not come overnight, but with hard work and dedication it will all come together.  Strive to constantly learn and improve.

What’s mandatory to be able to rodeo?

Mental and physical toughness, love of traveling, getting dirty,and performing under pressure, aside from investing a lot of money.  Nothing in life is easy,  but when things come together, it is all worth the effort.  Rodeoing is a lot like gambling, the only thing you are in complete control of is your effort in your ride or run.

If you’d like to keep up with Kaila, you can keep up on her social media accounts –

https://www.facebook.com/saddlebroncgirl/

https://instagram.com/kailamussell/

https://twitter.com/kaila_mussell