So, how are you right now, truthfully?
What has helped and why do you think that it has helped? What are you struggling with?
What lies behind the smile?
Here’s where I’m at right now……
I’ll be honest, even before COVID-19 came along, I was struggling! Between this 3 year marathon house build, and not doing any riding, it has taken a toll on my psyche and my waistline. I’ve gained not quite 30 pounds back and it’s taken a LOT of effort to not get thoroughly discouraged in life in general. I’m exhausted! Folks complain about this show / rodeo season being cancelled, but mine has been cancelled for the last 3 years! It’s coming on 4 years since the last time I ran and that can get a horse girl down.
Then when you add worrying about your health, your finances and then read all the conspiracy and end times stuff floating around out there right now, you really do feel like jumping off into the deep end, especially when you’re someone with a vivid imagination and writer brain that thinks WAY too much! By the way, the jury is still out on the conspiracy theories – I can’t help it, I’m researching.
Honestly though, how do you get in a good place mentally in the middle of all this craziness, when you really can not do any of the things that bring you joy and that make you feel healthy inside and out?
I think the answer to that is different for everyone, and you have to make an effort and a decision to feel better, be better. For me personally, in a nutshell it has come down to faith, and focusing on the future to get me through right now.
Let’s talk about faith a little bit…This is one of those times where rubber has met the road in regards to faith. I’ve been through some very dark trying times that have made me question my faith and made me want to wash my hands of the church community. But you know what? I’ve always made it through – with God’s help. Always. He’s always had favor on me even during the times I most definitely didn’t deserve it. So why wouldn’t He do the same now? If He’s done it before, I have faith that He’ll do it again. Letting go and taking that mindset has given me some rest. It’s not my job to fix everything or save everyone, or even save myself. That’s God’s job so I’m letting Him do it. Besides, there’s not a lot I can do about it anyhow.
We’re on the downhill side of the house and coming up on a deadline, which I’ll be honest I have worried over. Ask my boyfriend, he’ll tell ya I’ve had quite a few meltdowns over these last 3 years! (He’s been a trooper through it all really and has done such a great job.) Then I look back at where we’ve come from…
And I get this big sense of pride and hope of what’s to come. I imagine what it’s going to be like when we finally get to move in. No more taking cold showers in 20 degree weather, riding out storms rocking back and forth, finding ice on top of the dog bowl in the kitchen, or making trips to town to do laundry at the toilet chained down laundromat! We’ll have a home that we can enjoy that will have room for what we need that will feel safe. I also remember how fortunate we are to have a place that’s ours to call home and put the horses. There’s a lot of folks that don’t have that so I’m thankful.
The last two years we have gotten record relentless rains. Having 4 horses and a donkey out on a bare lot without a barn has been a big source of stress. Between wading through knee deep mud daily to dump hay with a pair of rubber boots that have a hole, and battling multiple rounds of scratches in every single one of them, it’s been a real source of stress. It’s also been a proving ground and motivator for me.
If nothing else, I’ve proven to myself that I’m not a fair weather horse owner. I’ve hung in there even when I’m not getting anything tangible from owning them. It’s also made me learn and figure out things I wouldn’t have if they had been in a better environment. If they had nicer turn out and and barn, I would have kept doing what I had always done with Fireman especially, and Cool. I wouldn’t have figured out what they need nutritionally to be sound, and I wouldn’t have figured out what they needed in a trim either. I’ve learned that works in a barn doesn’t necessarily work in other environments. What works in certain parts of the year may not work in others as well.
Because of these hard times, I’ve learned so much and I’ve wound up with horses that have healthier feet that will come back stronger than they ever would have before. I’ve also changed my philosophy on horse keeping and that will benefit when we finally have a barn.
While I’ve gained some weight and gotten soft, the good thing is I know for a fact I can – and will – get back to where I was as a rider when we left off. My last few runs with Fireman were the absolute best they had ever been in my whole entire life – and I was 47 at the time. I know what I need to do and what it takes, which is strength and mindset. I also know that I’ll be hungry for it! That keeps me going as well.
One thing about it, even after all this my heart still skips a beat when I watch the horses play and run. There’s just something about them that can’t be explained that has always had that effect on me. I just love horses, no matter what. My ass, well he makes me laugh! I make it point though to get some joy out of them daily and that helps as well.
Oscar & Toad
If you’re struggling financially to keep your horses fed, Fleet Of Angels and the ASPCA both have mentioned that they have assistant programs for folks that need help right now.
One of my previous blog posts from a few years ago also has some tips on how to cut your feed costs. Being on an extreme budget with building the house and dealing with hoof issues, here’s a couple of things I’ve learned since that post –
- While they are more expensive, feed balancers are less expensive to feed in the long run. The better the balancer, the less you have to add. You can use a feed conversion tool to figure out how many mg of nutrients are in the feed.
- Beet pulp can definitely help cut your feed bill. That said, I have seen an increase in thrush in all of mine even when it’s dry.
- If you have hoof issues, Pete Ramey is a good resource to research to use a guide. He keeps cost in mind.
So, what’s behind YOUR smile? What are you struggling with? What seems to help?
You CAN and WILL get through this!!
Cowgirls With Curves 