Tag Archives: aging

Breaks & Renewal

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Riding horses and writing are two things that are a very much a part of what makes me who I am. This past year, I took a break from writing while I did some soul searching. Prior to that, I had taken pretty much a complete break from riding since 2016. Honestly, I felt a bit lost not having something to shoot for in front of me, but sometimes that can be a good thing. Breaks can allow you to sit back and re-asses what you’re at, what you really want, and what it’s going to take to get there. Sometimes too, it can change who you are as you reflect on the things you want to discard and the things you want to keep. As I said in my post in Talking In The Barn, I don’t believe in things I once did, and believe in things I use to not believe in.

In order for me to get where I wanted to be, which was running, I had to get a barn built so I could get my horses in the dry and have some hay storage. I finally got that checked off the list around April of last year, along with the start of an arena.

My next goal was to start hauling and running barrels again because it was something that I just couldn’t shake. Fireman & Cool had some soundness issues, and I was still trying to work through those. Willie Bobby was the only option for a sound horse to run.

A lot of folks would have sold their horse and bought something sound and ready to go win on. For me, sometimes things aren’t all about winning. Sometimes it’s about the challenge to see what you can accomplish, and Lord knows I always love an underdog! At 20 years old and still GREEN at barrels, Willie was definitely an underdog. Add to that fact that he’s grade out who knows what, spooks a lot, is barefoot, and trimmed & ridden by his 50 something year old owner that hasn’t seen a can in 5 years. We make quite the underdog pair!

Sometime early July, we ran our first run – no exhibitions – at a little open show that had around 30 entries. We didn’t place, but I didn’t fall off, he didn’t spook, he handled the ground well and his pattern wasn’t too bad. The icing on the cake was that I had an absolute blast! We ran barrels and poles at that same show a couple of months later and had a lot of fun.

Later, we went on to run a night time exhibition at the rodeo, and made a few NBHA shows where we picked up a little money and points. In fact, we won a headstall for district year end, and qualified for the NBHA World. Not too bad for a 5 year break and being underdogs!

This coming year, I’d like to run a little more and that’s what we’re working on. Step by step.

Sitting was hard for me. When you can’t do something that you really do have a passion for, that you can’t go a day without thinking about, it takes the wind out of your sails. As the saying goes, there’s a season for everything. Sometimes that season of feeling like you’re doing nothing really is preparing you for something. Maybe it’s a time to reflect and find your orientation, maybe it’s a time to learn lessons you won’t learn any other way. For me, it was both.

I say all that to say this…..

Don’t feel bad if you’re having to sit right now. Use it to best of your advantage.

Don’t count yourself out just because you think you’re too old, too out of shape, or not talented enough to do something. Go do what you can with what you’ve got, one step at a time, and run your own race.

Life is too short to be afraid of going after those things you love and that give your life vibrancy!

So where are you at right now? Are you sitting or taking those steps?

What Is Your Focus?

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The holidays are over and here we are at the start of a whole new year…

Over Thanksgiving and Christmas, I picked up and lost the same 6 pounds. The only difference between Thanksgiving and Christmas is it took me 2 days to gain that much for Thanksgiving, and Christmas it took 4 days — I’ll call that improvement!

I weigh daily because although the numbers can ruin my day – if I let it – being accountable to myself every day helps me stay on track, and it helps me see how my body responds to certain foods. Instead of focusing any weight gain, I try to focus on what I’ve learned.

Especially with everything else going on in the world right now, it’s easy to get down and beat yourself up when you don’t acheive a certain goal. It’s easy to look at my own holiday gains and lose motivation, and beat myself up. The negative talk in my head is pretty loud!

Or, I can choose to focus on other things…

  • The fact that I’m stronger and healthier this year than I was last year.
  • The fact that I’m not craving bad food as much as I used to. For a food addict, that’s an accomplishment!
  • The fact that although I ate a lot of bad food, I found myself getting sick of it quicker than what I used to.
  • The fact that at the end of the celebration, I felt satiated and I was actually kind of relieved to get back to a healthy routine.
  • The fact that although I might have picked up a few pounds, I’m still making progress from where I was in August and September!

I know I still have a ways to go to begin having a healthy relationship with food – believe me, I know that! But you know what? Although I’m not there YET, I’m on the journey of getting there and any improvement is progress and I’m getting there. I’m further than I was.

In regards to riding, I’ve not been able to ride as well because we’ve had a ton of rain and the pasture is too slick and deep to ride at this point. Just like with getting healthy and fit, I can either focus on the mud – which I can’t do anything about, or I can focus on things I can do something about. Instead of focusing on the things that kill motivation, I’ve decided to focus on those things I can do a little something about. I re-newed my NBHA membership which I haven’t done in 4 years. I’ve lined up the grader and builder for the new barn, and I’ve got the new fencing ready to go as well. Just those little things help keep me motivated and looking forward to the good things coming this year!

I’m learning every day it’s all in what you focus on that keeps you going. So what is your focus?

Getting Thin Or Getting Fit?

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The pictures above were during one of the hardests times in my life – the aftermath of a tragedy followed by a divorce, selling a farm, and losing horses. At the same time, it was the first time in my life at the ripe old age of 47 that I could look in the mirror and be proud of what I saw.

You see, my whole entire life I have had an unhealthy relationship with food. I love to eat, but food has always been a coping mechanism for me. Simply put, I am a food addict. It took me a lot of years to realize that. Although I’ve always been active and strong for my size, I have always struggled with weight. At 5’3″, I stayed in the upper 180’s for several years, but the scale kept going up as high as 208. 

As the scale went up, my health went down. Blood work, paired with a biopsy from a place of my face that wouldn’t go away for well over a year, and symptoms like joint pain, fatigue, depression, sores in my nose, all pointed to Lupus. The only option the doctors offered me back then was a rhuematoid med that had horrendous side effects and made me feel like I had the flu. That wasn’t good enough, and that’s when I slowly started on a journey to get better, which eventually led me to the first set of pictures.

I was able to stick to my regime for a long time…. basically eat clean (meat and veggies) and do kettlebells. I had finally figured out that the more simple it was, the more likely I was to maintain it. I didn’t count anything and my workouts were a max of 15 minutes. I felt great, my confidence went through the roof, and I started riding the best I’d ever ridden in my whole entire life.


Even when I was in my 20’s and thinner, I never thought I was thin enough. I also didn’t ride as confident…so what changed at 47? Mindset and strength. If you want to change your life, you change your thinking – and that’s what I did!

In the craziness of building the new place however, all of that fell by the wayside over time. The day to day living in the cramped space of a camper, and the stress of having to build a house weighed heavily. I found myself eating comfort food more than I should have, and not working out or riding. I just wanted to get on to the next phase and be in the house, and if I couldn’t do that food was the next best thing! Food made me feel better momentarily – although I always paid for it in the form of joint aches and fatigue, along with depression – which just made it worse. I didn’t have anywhere to spread out so that I could work out — most of the time there was too much mud! This went on for 3 years…and I was gradually headed back to being as heavy as I was before. But I told myself once I got in the house, I would find my way back.

We finally passed the final inspection and moved in this year at the end of July. At first, I wasn’t really consistent with eating and working out. Then in August I had extreme back pain – the worst I’d ever had! (Keep in mind I fractured my thoracic vertabrae in my early 20’s from a car wreck!) I could barely move, and the only way I could get any relief was to sit or lay down, and even then I still hurt.

Being in that much pain, and not able to do anything hit me pretty hard. I didn’t want to live like that. After about 2 weeks with no relief, I finally went to a chiropractor. On a side note, it was the same chiropractor that I used for my horses – Wells Chiro Healthcare. It took quite a few adjustments, but one thing he pointed out was how important nutrition is in how we feel. He also reminded me of what I had been a few years before, when I was strong and healthy. That was the kick I needed!

So I started back on what I had done before – eating meats and veggies, and exercising. Eventually, the pain got better. But you know what else got better? My attitude!

After about 3 weeks, I started tracking my progress through pics. Right before all this started, I had gained up to 188. It was less than I had weighed the last time I decided to make a change, but if I was going to get back to that place where I felt good, I had 35 pounds to lose. More importantly, I had a lot of strength to build back as well.

The first 8 pounds came off pretty easily, but then I plateaued. Even on the days that I was good and did kettlebells, I would either not lose or I’d gain. Two years into hot flashes at 51, soon to be 52, the weight not budging was to be expected, but I wasn’t going to give in.

The whole reason what I was doing before had worked was because it was simple. I don’t like tracking anything because the last thing I need is something else to keep up with. However, working in reporting and analytics, I knew I needed to start tracking what I was eating to see if I could tell a pattern. So I downloaded the Carb Tracker App, and chose the KETO setting. I figured if I couldn’t lose on that, then I really needed to make some big changes. It gave me my ideal Macro for the day – 22g of carbs, 135g of fat, 108g of protein, and 1731 calories. The ideal Macro for me is 5% carbs, 70% fat, and 25% protein. The app calculates all that for you, and tells you when you’re going over. So, in a sense it was still simple.



There have been some days that I’ve gone over my carb level and gained a pound, but there’s also been days I’ve went 15g over and still lost a pound and half in one day. I’m learning where my limits are, how my body handles food. One thing for certain, getting enough protein seems to be the key to keeping the scale moving in the right direction. The key is athletes don’t diet and exercise, they diet and train. As a rider, even an old one, I’m an athlete.

More importantly though is building strength. That part has seemed a bit slower! The good thing is I’m back to doing crunches with 20 pound weights, but presses and building strength in my legs is taking longer than what I’d like — but I will get there. I’ve done it once, I can do it again.

At 51, I’m on another journey to get back to that place where I actually felt good about myself, and doing it as naturally and as realistically as possible. I don’t want to take a bunch of pills, or buy a bunch of expensive supplements, or spend hours in the gym. I also don’t want to look like a 20 year old. I just want to ride the absolute best I can possibly ride, and be the healthiest, strongest and most confident that I can possibly be because I want to enjoy the years that I have left as much as I can — and it’s all up to me to get it done.

With Thanksgiving coming up, I’m going to enjoy it to the fullest. I’ve already ordered a couple of pies and rolls since I don’t eat those on a normal day. But the next day I plan to be right back to eating healthy for me. I also plan on getting some more riding in as well.